Fighting the Trump Apostasy One Blog At A Time

#3 Weirdest Christmas Song: I Broke My Arm Christmas Shopping At The Mall: Commercialism Run Amuck and a Dead Skunk

YouTube is a great place. You can have anyone who wants to make a song, make a song. One of my goals is to write parody songs about politics and religion. One of my ideas is a parody of Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” to be called “Morally Bankrupt” and Meghan Trainer’s “It’s All About That Base”will become “It’s All ‘Bout Cheap Grace”. I want to write the songs and get a band that can perform them and make the videos look like the real videos as well.

But enough about my creative endeavors. These blogs are about Christmas songs. I would say that you can’t find a stranger Christmas song on the net than this one, but I have found two more that I write about in these blogs,

This song was written and performed by Housewives on Prozac. They are know for such hits as “iHate My Mom” and “Eat Your Damn Spaghetti.” Their Christmas song is about commercialism gone amuck.

The video goes by pretty fast which can be tough on the eyes but I recommend watching it. It is bizarre but hilarious.

Here are a few lyrics:

There was specials on that day. There was a in store toy display. With this year’s must have cartoon gimmick. And when I turned around another mother mowed me down. I held my head and said “they overdid it”

I have worked retail every Christmas season from 2006 to 2014. 2006- 2012 at Boston Store and 2013-2014 at Macy’s. This holiday has become less a celebration of Jesus Christ than a celebration of consumerism. Something that doesn’t go to well with Christianity, not withstanding what prosperity preachers might tell you.

Thankfully I never saw people fight over items but saw a few shoplifters and had my share of angry customers yelling at me.

At about half way through the video, it and the song go totally off the wall. All I will say is that it involves a dead skunk.

This video has everything a lead singer, the delightfully wacky Martha Joy Rose, decked out in red and white and blonde playing rock guitar; man in a beard in a Santa outfit ; a muppet type creature; a giant teddy bear ; an actual shoving match in a mall and the greatest amateur video you can find in the best sense of the word.

When did Christmas become so commercialized. When did it become about getting things and rushing. I am an evangelical Christian. Christmas to me is about the birth of a baby who was God made flesh. God who lived among us and taught us how to truly be human and died to help us become such.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy all the secular trappings of Christmas. I am a glutton for Christmas themed TV including all the various takes of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.”

But I love all types of Christmas music and this song is just so strange and so weird that I can’t help but listen to it and watch the video every Christmas.

#4 Weirdest Christmas song: Santa Claus is kinda scary in a Roy Moore sort of way: Santa Claus Scares Me

I know the title is a cheap shot. Roy Moore has not been convicted of a crime. But there is enough evidence that he chased after 14,15,16,17 year old girls when he was in his early 30’s. Calling one of them when she was in Trig class, hitting on Wendy Miller when she was 14 and playing an elf at Gasden Mall. The accusations of Leigh Corfman and Beverly Young Nelson of groping and other forms of sexual misconduct are quite credible, even Mitch McConnell said so.

But back to the song. This song is written and sung by YouTube performer Tessa Netting. She acts as a cute kid with pony tails who is kind of creeped out by Santa Claus.

“Santa Claus Scares me. No I’m not lying. Why does he come into my house when I am asleep. That’s kind of creepy”

If you think about it, the thought of a man invading your house while you and your family are sleeping is kind of disturbing. It reminds me of what Colin Quinn said in anSNL sketch in which he played an ex-con Santa, talking to an irate parent “But, when you think about it, what does Santa do every year but commit a form of home invasion? A very loving and generous home invasion, yes.. but still home invasion.”

“Why does he watch me? Santa’s a stalker”

He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when your awake? I am surprised that most kids are not frightened out by this concept. I guess the idea of gifts might make it less creepy to Children. But if it was anyone else but Santa who watched little boys and girls when they were sleeping, you would call the police.

The letter Netting’s character writes to Santa is hilarious. And singing this while swinging her candy cane like a sword.

“He sees me when I’m sleeping. He knows when I’m awake. I better watch out. I’m going to cry. Don’t come in for goodness sake.”

With all the allegations of sexual misconduct of Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, the Olympic gymnastics doctor and yes Roy Moore. This song in a way makes Santa Claus creepier.

The song is pitch perfect. Tessa Netting is great as the little girl. Her facial expressions are hilarious. I would recommend listening to this song this Christmas.

But back to Roy Moore. He scares me even worse than Santa. He is a Bible thumping fundamentalist who wants Christian Sharia Law. Yet he himself possibly molested young teenagers. He may be innocent of the molestation charges. But he did go after them before he was married. He like many single fundamentalist view virtue as a prize. They want an innocent wife that they can mold and then control.

But yet Republicans will still support this man. Even if the allegations are true, they will support him because he is anti-abortion, anti-gay, and for a tax bill that would make the Old Testament prophets scream.

But he is just one man from an ultra conservative State. But I do worry. What if the Moores, the Pences, the rest of the dominionists who want to make America into this twisted Christian “utopia”, What If they get their way?

Now that should scare us.

Don’t spend a Christmas with a Dalek. He will EXTERMINATE them: #5 Weirdest Christmas song

I read that in order to be a successful blogger you have to write, write, and write some more. I have the creativity but lack the discipline. So this Advent I have decided to try to write a blog a day. And in this Christmas season I decided to have a little fun. I will share with the you the readers some of my favorite, least favorite, and strangest Christmas songs and carols and talk about what they mean to me and how they interact with today’s climate.

20 Days till Christmas I will break my blogs into 5. The 5 weirdest and most bizarre Christmas songs, the 5 songs that I hate the most, my 5 favorite Christmas songs, and my 5 favorite Christmas carols. The difference between songs and carols in my mind are that songs are more individualistic and singular and carols are more religious and have been passed on through the generations.

I will continue to write about Donald Trump, Franklin Graham and the religious right. But enough about xenophobic people who play on hatred and fear. I am going to change topics and talk about Daleks.

I am a huge Dr. Who fan. Still David Tennent as the tenth, I guess now the eleventh doctor. And I willu be there to see the thirteenth Doctor team up with the first Doctor. And I will Cry when Robert Capaldi’s Doctor regenerates, I will cry. The Doctor Who Christmas Special has become a yearly ritual.

But in 1964 a year after Dr. Who premiered, the pop band the Go Go’s came up with I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas With a Dalek. It’s a pop song where a couple of teenage girls and a Dalek sing about how happy they are celebrating Christmas.

These are some of the lyrics.

I’m gonna spend my Christmas with a Dalek

and hug him underneath the mistletoe

and if he’s very nice

I’ll feed him sugar spice

and hang a Christmas stocking from his big red toe

And when we both get up on Christmas morning

I’ll kiss him on his chromium plated head

and take him in to say hi to Mum

and frighten Daddy out of his bed

Now everyone knows that the Daleks are genocidal robot monsters created by genocidal mad man Davros of the Planet Skarro. Although this was eleven years since the great Tom Baker’s Genesis of the Daleks. (Yes I am a nerd.) Even during the first Doctor’s time the Dalek’s were monsters.

They wouldn’t want to eat more pudding, they would want to turn the whole family into pudding. But still this song is catchy and I like it. It makes no sense unless this Dalek has a major malfunction.

Also truthfully, the Cybermen scare me more than the Daleks and the Weeping Angels scare me even more. Blink terrified me. But you know what they don’t scare me as much as what our president could do.

Now is 11/9/2016 a fixed point in time? Or could Dr.Who and her, yes her, next companion go back in time and prevent it?

A cute video of I’m Gonna Spend My Christmas With a Dalek

Two years later: a story of Advent and anxiety

This has been a tough year for me. It’s been a tough two years for me, a tough two years for our nation, a tough two years for my faith.

Two years ago, I was the drama coach for my church’s children’s Christmas pageant. I started having panic attacks and one Sunday, I actually fled the rehearsal and ran up in a corner and crawled in the fetal position. I have suffered anxiety before, I have struggled with it since I was a boy. But this was different. This was a complete feeling of helplessness.

While getting the kids ready Christmas Eve 2015, I realized what it was. The election was beginning to take off. The rise of Donald Trump was just beginning. The hate and fear I felt in the air started to overwhelm me. I also started to get physically sick. I realized that I was dreading the type of world these children were going to be soon thrusted into.

That night I made my first activist plea, I wrote churches and politicians in Iowa begging them not to vote for Cruz or Trump. Cruz was my biggest fear back then, even I didn’t think at that time that Trump would win the nomination and then the presidency.

I then proceeded to write churches and newspapers in New Hampshire, South Carolina, all the way to Wisconsin’s own primary. I had a near nervous breakdown in April after the primary. I made the mistake of going to see Ted Cruz be interviewed by Meghan Kelly. I had to leave lest I do or say something that would embarrass my father. I did however have my Bible and I read scripture outside of the Masonic Hall in Madison WI. That was one of the first times I read scripture out loud in public.

That Spring I started making videos about Franklin Graham. I called his association. I wanted to appeal to his Christianity and his humanity to speak out against Trump. A man who represented everything that is anti Christ. Greed, lust, power, pride.

I almost got up and spoke while he was speaking but one of his people got to me and said that my concerns were valid but that wasn’t the place. I wish I did speak up that summer day.

I started this blog. All summer I wrote letters to newspapers trying to get someone to see the danger that Trump posed. I spoke at the Capital. I felt like a voice in a vast wilderness. I only got one letter in the local newspaper before the election. I prayed for Kasich to run as an independent.

All the while my anxiety grew. A feeling of learned helplessness grew inside me. I went from thinking I had the gift of prophecy one minute and feeling like God was stringing me along the next.

The Access Hollywood tape came out and I like others were sure would smack some sense into the “evangelicals” but no their hatred and fear of Hillary made them pick a Manasseh over a Jezebel.

Trump won, he was inaugurated. He lied a boastful lie about the attendance at his inauguration. And that was just the first in one of many lies. I spoke at the Capital that week as I have other times since. I still was trying to reach Franklin Graham. I tried to put together rallies that were flops. I donated some money to Franklin Graham with Galatians 5 attached. You can read about that in an earlier blog.

The fundamentalist Christians have just doubled down on their support of Trump. Knowing that if Hillary was elected and half of the stuff about Russia that came out happened with a president Clinton, they would be calling for impeachment.

He praised the Klan after a protest that lead to a young woman’s death. No there are no good people who stand with people who yell out “Jews will not replace us.”

It just gets worse and worse and I get overwhelmed. Two years later and I feel the exact same way. Sometimes I feel like I have a calling to be a new Martin Luther or Dietrich Bonhoeffer and other times I think the only thing I have in common with Martin Luther is digestive issues.

So I got an e-mail from WordPress saying that my plan is almost up and wondering should I continue? I think what’s the point. Nobody reads reads this or watched my videos.and I get into self pity that becomes laziness and depression.

But I still believe in God. I still believe in Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. I still believe that I have a calling and I am 85% convinced that Trump is the anti-Christ. But what should I do, more of the same?

Maybe just write. They say to be a successful blogger you should write two or three times a week. I have a lot to say. And even if no one is reading, it gets this spiritual anxiety out of my head. I know it’s not about me. It’s about God. His will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

I just need the discipline and the discernment and the patience to do His work.

I do feel better. God Bless you all.

Does God listen to the religious right’s prayers after gun massacres?

Another mass shooting another round of right wing pastors and politicians talking about “thoughts and Prayers” and “it is too soon to do anything.” And this massacre is all the more painful because it occurred in a house of worship.

I am not going to talk much about the gunman here, his motives, the fact that he was a domestic abuser kicked out of the military and shouldn’t have had access to a gun that most people shouldn’t have access to. An A-15 semi-automatic. A gun made to kill as many people as possible in the shortest amount of time and a weapon that is putting millions and millions in the pockets of the gun manufacturing lobby.

But again, to the prayers. We should pray for the victims. We should pray for those who lost loved ones. We should even pray for the family of the shooter. I am a Christian and I believe in prayer and I have no doubt that the victims are in a better place, a place that I wish I was in right now.

But back to the Ted Cruzes, the Hans Fienes, and all the politicians and pastors who speak of thoughts and prayers and talk about how we are a Christian nation and condemn the wickedness of this world. Back to their prayers. I know this will be controversial but I don’t believe that God listens to their prayers and I have scripture as proof.

Isaiah 1:15

When you spread out your hands in prayer, I hide my eyes from you; even when you offer many prayers, I am not listening. Your hands are full of blood.

Just like ancient Israel. We are a wicked nation. We are a nation where our leaders are bribed by the National Rifle organization. An organization that used to be responsible until the extremists and the gun manufacturing lobby took over in 1977.

HOW MANY MORE. HOW MANY MORE MASSACRES. How many more children have to be sacrificed on the alter of the NRA.

Many children were killed, total families destroyed. Could a semi-automatic ban have prevented this, maybe. Maybe not. But that doesn’t mean we should do nothing .

Even if a ban would just save 50 people it would be worth it. 50 mothers, fathers, children, wives, husbands, etc that would not have to go through the agony of never being able to see their loved ones again.

We are Christians. We are commanded to love God with all our heart, soul and strength and love our neighbor as ourselves Matthew 22:36-40

How can we do this while we put a weapon above both God and the lives of our neighbor? And why do we do this? Out of some nebulous thing called freedom? We are a nation that is a slave to the NRA. We have no freedom but with Jesus. And He said “those who raise the sword shall die by the sword.”

The orphans and the widows of gun violence are crying out for a solution or at least for our leaders to do something instead of quoting the party line. Yet all we hear is “our thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families”

Empty words without action. Your prayers are worse than saying nothing. Because you bring God info your hypocrisy. Your pockets are full of NRA bribes and your hands are full of blood, just like Isaiah said.

No other Christians in the world have a love affair with guns. Only in America this idolatry reigns. It sickens me. You may ask who is Hans Fiene? He is a pastor and writer for the Federalist who wrote an article about God and the shooting and how prayers are answered.

My next blog will be taking his article apart.

It is not easy to be a Christian. We have atheists who attack us as heartless hypocrites and we have heartless hypocrites who prove them right. Thankfully we have true Christians who speak up against those who take bribes and search after gifts.

If I was alone I would beg Jesus to take me now, but no, there is work to do. We must speak up for those who can not because they were killed.

The Ex Agnostic and the Actor: a film starring Kevin Sorbo

I have an idea for a movie. It is about a lapsed Catholic who left the church because of the sex scandal. A man who suffered from severe anxiety and depression. A man who considered himself a loser who hated himself and the world.

A man who would not come to Christ because he saw a hypocritical church. A church that cared more about money and politics than anything else. But during the 2008 election, he saw Sarah Palin. He thought how can there be a good God who would allow so many people to support tax cuts for the wealthy, and mock the working poor, and support unjust unpayed Wars etc.

He writes 10 of the top evangelical Leaders asking them how they can support politics that go against scripture. But then a minister from the Saddleback Church contacts him and this man realizes that he was not angry at God but at man. And he prays and God leads Him to a Christ centered church. He sees a Pastor talking about how you could be evangelical or social justice based but you are serving God. That only through Christ we can have healing both individual and societal.

The film’s hero became born again. He felt the Holy Spirit overcome him and he became a follow of the one living Christ. But he realized that he almost gave up an opportunity to know God because of the wickedness of hypocritical men. And how these wicked men block people from the Kingdom of Heaven and make these converts twice the children of Hell as they are.

So he tries to bring atheists to the faith and to bring these lost apostates back to Jesus. He watched a great movie called What If? One of the best movies he has ever seen. A movie staring Kevin Sorbo of Hercules fame. An actor that this man enjoyed since he first saw him as a suspected stalker on an episode oThe Commish and as a nerdy computer programmer on an episode of Murder She Wrote.

It is A great movie about a Trump like businessman who is greedy but due to a miracle wakes up married to his high school sweetheart with kids and a pastor of a small church. By the end of the film this lost soul is a born again believer.

Our hero’s faith is as strong as ever. So he decides to seek out the actor on social media and finds out that the actor is just like all the politicians and religious leaders that kept him blocked from God. At the same time, he is hanging out with some of his friends who happen to still be atheists who hate Christianity for the very same reasons that this man did and they make fun of stupid movies. They watch a terrible movie about FDR attacking Japanese and German werwolves. A movie that has FDR saying “Does my cock still work?” And has his secretary licking condiments off of FDR’s polio paralyzed legs. And while this man is watching this horrid piece of drek, he sees the actor, the star of What If? Playing a stoned Abraham Lincoln in a dream sequence where FDR is stoned.

This insenses our main character so he makes a YouTube video directed to Kevin Sorbo. This is in fall of 2014.

In 2015 a wicked man runs for president, a man who starts his presidency with a slanderous attack against Mexicans. The election gets worse and worse. His fellow Christians couldn’t vote for this man could he? We have Kasich, a decent man running against a wicked woman. They would support him right? Kevin Sorbo wouldn’t support Trump? A man who attacked a POW, a man whose all campaign was based on fear and hatred.

But somehow neither the son of a president nor John Kasich, the candidate this hero of the film voted for got the nomination but a wicked man who stands for everything that Jesus stood against. So our hero makes another video entitled “Kevin Sorbo: Be a Hero Of Faith” in September of 2016

And in October of 2016 a tape comes out with the wicked man bragging about him chasing after a married woman and talking about “grabbing them by the pussy”.

Even with a wicked woman running, they wouldn’t vote for him would they? This Actor. This man with a film that says “God’s Not Dead” would not support a man such as Trump could he? Trump is pre saved Ben Walker on steroids, at least Ben Walker never grabbed women’s genitalia in the movie.

But Trump did win. And this actor continued to support this president. He continued to promote atheistic economic policies. He continued to practice this twisted nationalistic Christianity and every post broke our hero’s heart. The election and the aftermath almost was enough to make this man lose his faith. But even a thread of faith in Jesus Christ is stronger that Damascus Steel. So he continues to make videos and blogs opposing the religious right. A crusade to bring Franklin Graham and Kevin Sorbo back to the light.

He posts one more video in March of this year.

So this man continue to try to communicate with this actor via Facebook and Twitter trying to get him to fight for Christ instead of for the opposite of Christ. All the while being attacked by his followers.

How will this movie end? Will the actor realize the error and admit and speak out against the lies and to be an inspiration to agnostics and atheists like the film’s protagonist was? Will Kevin Sorbo use his prophetic voice for good? Will he help bring both the atheists and the apostates back to Christ or will he be just like any other false prophet?

I am praying for the former because I am a Christian and I believe in miracles and happy endings.

So “God’s Not Dead”, “What If?”, and “Let There Be Light” how bout “The Ex Agnostic and the Actor for your latest production? It would be an honor to work with you to show the world that GOD IS NOT DEAD. It will be an honor to show the world WHAT IF? We fight for justice and become the City on the Hill again what will God do with us? And then in this nation full of darkness. A nation where a president symbolizes hate, fear, and lies. We can start a revival to rival the 2nd great awakening and then LET THERE BE LIGHT

Let’s do it Kevin Sorbo. Let’s make a feel good movie.

500 in 50: An American Reformation

Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it. I see the world. I see our nation. I see the corruption and the hypocrisy and it is almost enough for me to say “screw it. I’m done”. My life would be much easier that way.

But I am a man of faith. The world hurts me because the world hurt Him. Jesus said in John 16:33 In the world you have trouble and suffering, but take courage–I have conquered the world. But sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. Did Martin Luther feel like that in 1517? Did Dietrich Bonhoeffer feel like that in 1945? Did Martin Luther King Jr. feel like that in 1968?

I don’t think they felt like that, but they knew that in the end Jesus wins and evil will be defeated. I hold to that tightly like a 7 year old holds a teddy bear on the first night at a sleepaway camp.

But when I don’t do anything this feeling of hopelessness grows. That is why I make my YouTube videos, that is why I write this blog, that is why I preach at my Capital and that is why I am doing this.

This Halloween will mark 500 years since Martin Luther nailed his 95 thesis on the door of the Wittenberg Church. 500 years ago there was a crisis in the church. The Roman Catholic Church cared more about money and worldly power than they did about saving souls and following Jesus and doing God’s work. 500 years later it is the same story different place.

The American Evangelical Church leadership is as corrupt now as the Roman Catholic Church was then. They sold out everything Jesus stood for to elect a leader who was everything Jesus was not. There is no mercy in Donald Trump. There is no justice. There is no humility nor love. It is all about ego and power. But the real evil in this story is not Trump but the religious leaders and lay people who voted for him knowing the type of man he was.Trump made no secret about that. I would say he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing but really where was the sheep’s clothing.

The worst part of this is that people like Robert Jeffress, Franklin Graham, and Jerry Falwell Jr give a non believing world a false version of Christianity. A toxic one that doesn’t save but drives people away and kills.

That is why I am planning something big. I pray that we can pull it off. I know I only have nine days but with God’s help and many people of faith we can move mountains.

I am planning rallies for October 31st 2017. 500 years after the start of the reformation I want there to be rallies in every state capital. Christians like me. Christians who feel hopeless. Christians who feel like they have no voice. We have voices we just have to be willing to raise them.

Still working on the logistics. This will take a lot of work. I know that the depression and the anxiety will try to prevent me. It may try to prevent you. But this is important.

Let’s show the apostates who support politics of fear, greed, and hate that their time is over. It is our time now. It is God’s time now.

It Was 9 Years ago Today….

I used to scoff at Christian testimonials. I would hear people talking about when and how they were saved and I would tune out. Once a young woman cornered me on the bus and asked me “Are you saved?” I wanted to say “From What?” But I didn’t really feel like being a smart ass that day.
Let me set the scene. I was the last weekend of September in the year of our Lord 2008. We were in the middle of an election and I read an article like this. The one that I read actually came out a week earlier but i had a problem finding it online.

Now this upset this lapsed Catholicmwho left the Church after the priest sex scandal. I didn’t really believe in God. But I still believed  that Jesus was one of the best teachers and the most righteuous man to ever live. This stuck in my craw. So I did what any angry lapsed Catholic would do and I e-mailed those who were listed on Time Magazine’s tip 25 Evangelical leaders. Only someone from the Saddleback Church contacted me back. We spoke for almost An hour. Pastor Jim asked me if I am part of a faith community. I said no and I felt that instant like I was outside a building looking into a window criticizing but never taking part.

So that Friday I prayed for the first time in 6 years when I wasn’t flying thousands of miles above the earth in a tin can. I knew that I was going to look for a church, a faith family.

I was working at a Boston Store at the time and mentioned briefly that I was looking for a new church and A co-worker named Grace meantione Christ Presbyterian Church on Gorham and Brearly. I said “ the one with the giant floating Jesus?”she said “yes, they love and welcome everyone there”.

I went to the 9:00 service, that’s the more traditional service. I hate to say this but I don’t remember who greeted me. It was probably Norma Madsen. She is a woman with a heart larger than creation and a heart for God’s love and Justice. You ask someone at CPC who greeted them first, I would say it would be even odds that it was Norma.

But what really cemented the deal was God’s using CPC’s associate pastor Glen Reichelderfer and his guitar. There are three spiritual mentors I have had in my life. My childhood priest Father Turner, Glen Reichelderfer, and CPC’s lead pastor Dale Chapin.

That Sunday Glen had his guitar and was playing Bobby Dylan’s “You Gotta Serve Somebody”and his sermon was about how you are either serving God’s Kingdom or the Evil world. And he said that you could be social justice based or Evangelocal based but you are serving a god. You could be democrat or a republican. But you are serving God. I knew then and there that I was a social justice based evangelical born again Christian who god lead to a PCUSA church.

I liked the sermon so much I stayed for the contemporary worship service  and I sang modern Christian songs like “ Here I Come to Worship” and “ Open the Eyes of My Heart”, songs that just a year earlier I cringed when the Time Life CD commercials came on TV.

I then went home and prayed. And I kid you not, I felt a warmth flow over my body. I felt the physical sensation of a heavenly being saying “everything’s going to be ok. I got this. I got you.” I then heard in the back of my head a choir singing “Let there be peace on Earth” one of my favorite hymns from my childhood.

I also felt an urgency, an anger even. That the Sarah Palins, the Jerry Falwells and the Pat Robertson’s who I thought Christianity was, robbed me of six years of being with God. Six years of knowing the path of transformation that only the Holy Spirit can provide. I can know answer that question. “Saved from what?”

I am saved not from an eternity in Hell. I am saved also from the Hell of my own making. The Hell of sin. The hell of fear, the Hell of hopelessness.  I still sin, I still feel anxiety and hopelessness at times, but it is no longer my life. My life is one of Jesus.

And I knew that these people are a danger to people’s faith and part of my life’s work is to speak out against them and to reach seekers who were once like me.

This last year was tough on me. You can read my past blogs. Donald Trump was like a satanic atom bomb to my faith. I almost lost my faith but Glen, Dale, Norma, and dozens and dozens of others kept me in my faith. God is a Good and I thank Him several times a week that He saved me.

Glen Reichelderfer is no longer with CPC. He is in New York State and I have no doubt that God will use him to bring seekers to Him.

If you live one Madison Wisconsin check out our website













Does God speak? Yes Kim McManus He does and he used you to speak to me.

I hope she doesn’t mind me doing this but I needed to respond to one of her podcasts.

Erwin and Kim McManus run Mosaic Church in LA. It is a Christ centered, Spirit filled church whose podcast has lifted me up more than once.

To those who have been following my blog, I am a lapsed agnostic turned born again evangelical Christian who still is saddened by the hypocrisy of the American Church and this past year was a real tough year, this summer it just got worse and worse. Thinking why am I doing this?  I am nobody and it is just a waste of time. Then I listened to Does God Speak, the Mother’s Day Sermon given by Kim McManus. It was like she was speaking directly to me and I had to write a blog about it.

My depression and anxiety makes it had to read scripture, pray, and even listen to Christian sermons. That is why I am writing on a mother’s day Sermon on September 24th.
I love her style. It is humorous. It flows naturally, and is full of the Holy Spirit.

At the 6:06 marks she starts to talk about how she  was getting the feeling from God that in this sermon she is speaking to someone, maybe in the audience, maybe listening on the podcast. That she is speaking someone to tell them what God’s told her. In all modesty, I believe that I am that someone. Be it a couple months late.

At the 7:12 mark she quotes Hebrews 4:16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
It is very hard for me to do that. With my shame and anxiety, and depression. Confidence is the last thing I feel and grace and mercy the last thing that I deserve. I eat self doubt for breakfast and I shampoo with self loathing. (Listen to her podcast and this might make more sense)

She then talked about King David in Psalm 17. The Psalms and the Prophets help me so much because i am  reminded that I often feel like King David felt and that I feel how Isaiah and Jeremiah felt, and that I feel how Kim McManus feels, I am not that alone no matter how bad I feel. I do like King David call upon God For I know that He will hear my prayers. But I still sometimes don’t think he answers me. And it is because of my anxiety. This anxiety I have suffered from since I was a kid, this helps blind me from seeing God’s wonder and love.

I know that God sees through all my anxiety and fear and yes I do believe that it is phenomenal. Although I never had the experiences that Kim has had. I do write my blogs and make my videos. I have preached at the Capital. I have felt God working through me so much it scares me. But yet at other times, I feel so alone like I have let him down and sometimes in my darkest moments I feel like He is stringing me along and the I feel guilty for those thoughts.

I am not 58, I am 40. Although those 40 years were not the most productive ones. Most of those years I have been bogged down in anxiety and depression but God found me and lead me to Him 9 years ago this month. I made a couple movies, I went back to school and got a bachelors of science in Psychology and am a productive member of my church.

But  I am still single and never had a serious girlfriend. I don’t have a career. I feel adrift. And that scares me. The feeling that I am not putting enough faith in God.
I have struggled with wickedness, a wickedness that is so common among both men and women’s that lead me into darkness. I have ignored what he speaks, not all the time but a lot of the time. It is not actively saying “NO”. It is more passive “Not Right Now.”or “leave me alone.” It hurts to do what I think God wants me to do so it is easier either t watch TV, surf the internet or look at porn.

I am paying attention and my life isn’t not always like this, there are moments when I feel like i am doing what’s God had planned for me and those moments are glorious and I feel utterly happy. But those moments have become few and far between

25:26 I don’t want to turn a deaf ear to God. I listen and I believe but I don’t understand. And my sin does slow down my reflexes so I am not as strong a fighter against the darkness of our age and I get overwhelmed by them.
Practicing over and over and over takes energy I don’t seem to have but I let God know that’s He is welcome on my life. Stillness is the most difficult discipline for me to learn.
Kim and I are a lot alike and her sermon helped me because I feel the same way. Again the energy it take s to be obedient is hard. It is also hard to tell what is coming from God and what is coming from my OCD.

The discipline of rest is so hard for someone whose fight or flight response is always on.

Several people came into her life to urge her to write a book that she was having problems writing because of fear and anxiety. Kim said at the 36 minute mark again that God was telling her that this is for someone on the margin. Someone who is feeling like he or she might give up.someone who might leave. I am that person. I have been thinking about giving up th fight against the hypocrisy, the fight to show the world that Christianity is not what they thing it is. (You can learn more in more of my blogs)
9 years ago God came into my life and gave me a mission and the mission has been hard. I wrote letters to newspapers, I try to reach out to Franklin Graham urging him to speak up against the greed, the hate, the hypocrisy, the bigotry of our current political system to no avail. I was about to give up the fight. And then heard this podcast.

Kim, I am glad that you girded up your loins and made this sermon. God wants to bring me back on the path. He wants to use me. He doesn’t want me to give up. He doesn’t want me to leave the game. HE WANTS ME TO WRITE. His words will guide me. His words will help me get the discipline that I need.
But I am still afraid that I will let God down. But I would rather try and fight the good fight with God because when God is guiding my heart, it doesn’t matter what exactly I do, I can not let God down because it is God that is working through me not me.
May He make my light brighter and brighter. May the Lord use my writings to help bring people like I was. Cynics who thought that Christianity is a hypocritical faith is love and strength.
God you are a loving, protecting, and hopeful God who will remove darkness and blinders. God help me heal and be the Max you want me to be.

Kim McManus
if you read this, thank you for listening to God and helping me. It will be a long road but I won’t be on it alone. God Bless both you and Erwin.

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