I read Matthew 5:27-28  27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman with lust  has already committed adultery with her in his heart.      and Matthew 5:31-32
31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery

I was going to use these verses to attack Trump on his three wives, on his adulteries, and on his divorces. But I can’t. I can’t judge him on sexual morality. We all have our moral lapses and we can not judge someone for a sin that we are committing. So before I go into how Trump’s sexual history is as unChristian as you can get. And before I get into the hypocrisy of those Christians supporting Him. I have to come clean myself.

This will be kind of rambling but I write as I think. I have a problem with Porn. I am not alone. A Barna Group study found that almost two thirds of men watch porn at least once a month. One third of all Christian men view it daily. I am one of those men. This blog is about my history. How I got to where I am and my views of porn.

I guess it all started when I was in middle school and I found my dad’s porn stash of Playboys,Penthouses, and Hustlers. When I was a kid you had to be very sneaky to look at what now is very tame. Today kids the same age see all kinds of sex acts with just a click of a mouse.

I think the addiction got strong in High School. I was not a popular kid. Having a moderate mental illness, not athletic, or handsome the girls either ignored or mocked me. The girls in the magazines would not ignore me, they would not mock me. The fantasies made me feel more like a man. I think that is why Barely Legal style porn is so popular. That is the most popular style. I think that makes sense. You fantasize about the girl that got away or that you still have what it takes to land a girl like that.

But while in my fantasies I was a ladies man in real life I didn’t date. Porn actually made it harder for me to socialize with females. It is so much easier for someone with social anxiety to read a magazine or watch a video and put yourself in the man’s place than interacting with real live girls.

At one time, my OCD got involved and I bought one of every porn magazine that I could find. I threw away my collection once I became a Christian.

After I was born again in 2008. I threw all my porn away and deleted all the pictures and videos off my computer. I was good for a couple months. I didn’t even read erotic stories.  From September 2008 to June of 2009 I didn’t see a naked body. I don’t know what happened then but I slipped. It started just being still pictures and then videos.

My computer crashed once and I couldn’t restart it and I prayed and told God that  I wouldn’t look at any porn or read any erotica if he would restore my computer. My computer was restored but my vow lasted only a month.

This is the number one thing that gets between me and God. I wonder why he can’t fix me. The devilish voice in my ear says either “there is no God. If there was He would cure you” or “He has abandoned you. You are a reprobate who only thinks he is saved”.

I know the truth is that I am a child of God who is still a sinner that is saved by Grace.

I look at the videos I watch. And they are deeply sinful. With an addiction you have to watch stronger and stronger stuff. There are hundreds of tags on a site like Thumbzilla. These are just a few. Arrested 229 videos, blackmail 485,exploitedblackteens 47, gagging 946, and public disgrace 889 videos.  These are a far cry from the magazines in the box dad kept in his study.

This is one thing I don’t understand about Internet porn. All 2796 videos I listed above are free and easy to access. WHAT IS THEIR BUSINESS MODEL??? I’m sorry but do people pay for porn anymore? I wonder why they are in business. Probably advertisements for hookup sites and penis enhancement thingies. I haven’t had to pay for porn in years. There is something wrong here.

And again, I want to go back to 12 year old Max. 12 year old Max wasn’t able to buy porn magazines or VHSs, yes I am that old. Porn magazines were either behind the counter or wrapped in plastic so young Max wouldn’t be able to read them. There are laws that force retailers to do that. There are no such laws on the Internet.

I am not anti-sex. I am not anti erotica. I know that in this world that we can’t make porn illegal. Even if we could I wouldn’t because it would just push it further underground. But is it too much to ask that these sites make you pay for each video you see. Even if it is just a quarter. You would need to use a credit card to see the video. And if a kid borrowed his parents credit card there would be hell to pay when the bill comes due.

This is common sense. Sometimes I think that this is all a conspiracy to cheapen the way we value each other. That the big porn sites know what they are doing. They are doing what the Tobacco companies knew. “Get them while they are young”.

Anyway if I didn’t mention this while speaking up against the sexual immorality and the hypocrisy of Donald Trump and the religious right. I would be in the wrong.